Last week was stressful; not due to one particular issue, just a confluence of work stress, personal issues, and maybe a dash or two of “enough with the winter already” irritation.
It got bad enough, pushing at my mind and demanding its focus, that I dug in a little harder with my meditation training and pushed back, forcing myself to put the various things in perspective and admit that everything will be fine. And then I felt better. But it’s funny how I had to go through a week or more of generalized, lower-level anxiety before the additional stress backed me into enough of a corner that I reached for that solution.
When we talk about mindfulness and staying focused while we meditate, we are essentially training our minds to have a hair trigger when it comes to putting problems in perspective and regaining equanimity. Building the reflex that promptly and effectively deals with discursive thoughts and real-world problems.
That in turn reminds me of one my favourite books of Buddhist lore, a collection of talks by the Korean zen master Seung Sahn entitled “Wanting Enlightenment is a Bad Idea.” It’s a great book. One of my favourite parts is his discussion of the concept of keeping such an open mind as we move through life that we don’t even form attachments to concepts, so that our honest answer to any question would be “I don’t know,” because you are not attached to any knowledge I suppose. He repeatedly advised maintaining this state of “don’t know mind” as the best outcome of a zen meditation practise, since he did not believe in attaining enlightenment, and as the title of his book implies, he felt that the pursuit of it could be detrimental.
I went to the library yesterday and signed out a few classic films and Norm MacDonald’s celebrated autobiography, which I look forward to starting tonight. It is incredibly already mid-April, which means I have three weeks to prepare for my first appearance back in good old Saint John at the Fog City Comic Con. I should just about make it.
Norm beckons. Check out two new episodes of Sunday Night in Cinema 3 and a new Insult. There will be a new Insult weekly on my Patreon page as well for a while. Thanks and have a great week!
Every day the experiments continue, unending, as they have for over a thousand years. What started as a test on a human administered by other, evil humans has evolved so that I am at the mercy of self-administering, self-aware artificial intelligences, playing their roles as they were designed, “torturing” me by forcing me into an old theatre on a rickety satellite, with no company save three badly malfunctioning robots, a drone camera that points in seemingly random directions, and a computer voice that sometimes announces “movie sign”, sometimes pleads with me to kill her, sometimes screams in terror and then is abruptly silenced.
And I play my role too, enduring one terrible movie after the next, movies that are generated from the final moments of humanity based on algorithms that the M.A.D.S. have been given. For example, I watched a romantic comedy yesterday where 1970s ingenue Karen Valentine feasted on the still-beating heart of former Vice-President Spiro Agnew, while he looked on and screamed; and she seemed to know that what she was doing was wrong, but she was unable to stop herself. Such is the dilemma of anyone in a romantic comedy, I suppose.
I gave it three stars out of four and then tried once again to open the airlock of the satellite I am trapped on, but once again I lost consciousness when I touched the airlock release, as I always do, and when I woke it was a new day at the same time I always wake up, and I wondered once again if I am even real anymore- if I am just another artificial intelligence automatically and imperfectly generated from decades of data left online, blogs, tweets, status messages, email, videos, photos, everything you ever recorded in any way, parsed and assembled by a program that does not know how or when to stop, so it endlessly remixes and reassembles all the components of the known universe until it finds the magic combination that will continue on its own, intelligence no longer artificial.